Gibberish

I have the misfortune to have such terrible neighbors. They're rowdy and noisy and are incurable gossips. They're rowdiest and nosiest at night when every person in nearby houses has already fallen fast asleep. They often chastise their errant daughter in a manner that will leave everyone in the neighborhood privy to their secrets (not that they're very conscious about keeping secrets anyway). 

They're still singing their larynx out at the videoke as I write this and I bet it will carry on till midnight. It's enough to drive a saint to curse. 

Most of the time, I just tap into my supply of patience (which isn't a lot, mind you, as I always exhaust them babysitting my adorable but tireless nephew) but in days like today, I just want to yell "shut up!" repeatedly until they get it. In my head, I have already yelled at them so hard, so many times. 

Reality is a different story though because no matter how much these people infuriate me, I won't say a thing. I'm still that girl who is scared spitless of confrontations and of offending other people. Never mind that they offend me too. 

This has always been my problem. I can weave confrontations in my head, write clever retorts online but I can never really say them out loud or in the face of the person I want to say them to. And my days as a freelancer have nurtured that crippling lack of self-assertiveness, I fear.

Living in so much chaos when I was younger, the older me just longs for peace and harmony. But I have often wondered if peace and harmony are the same as quietly accepting, sucking the bad things up and tolerating. They shouldn't be, should they? Otherwise, that will just be a sad existence. 

Sometimes I wonder if I have become too lenient of things, too tolerant and too...cool. I mean cool as in blasé. I would like to believe it is a result of being schooled by Steve Pavlina or Gandhi or any other awesome person whose level of coolness I look up to. 

I don't know, these things just came to me. And I have nothing else to write and share except for these photos featuring my pineapple-printed dress (tacky or cute? I haven't decided yet, really) and this awesome set of Hakaw we ate for dinner:

I can still feel the chewiness in my mouth. yummm.